I hate, hate, hate wearing bras. It’s uncomfortable, annoying, and it never REALLY fits. As far as I’m concerned, I would never ever wear a proper bra, at most- a thin bralette. Or a sports bras, when I exercise.
The rest of the time, I like to be comfortable, and I think it’s a pretty reasonable request to have for my clothes.
But, as I explained to a male friend last night in a what’s app chat, when you walk down the street without a bra (or wearing that thin, unpadded bralette)- you. constantly. get. stared at!
Going downstairs to my local 7/11 wearing a t-shirt and no bra? I put on a bra or a sweater.
Going out to dance in a warm club? Yeah I’ll be warm there, meaning my nipples won’t be an issue, but I’ll be sure to put a jacket on the way there.
Going to a business meeting? I must put on a “real”, padded bra. Otherwise it “doesn’t look good”, or “doesn’t look professional”. I swear, I had ppl actually tell me this.
Actually, my brother once told me about a twitter or reddit thread, asking all women “what would you do differently if all men had a 9pm curfew, all around the world?”
There were a few funny-bc-they’re-sad answers, like “never taking public transportation again bc I could walk everywhere”, but for me, it was totally obvious.
I would, very victoriously, NEVER WEAR A BRA AGAIN!
And my dear, dear brother, said it never occurred to him.
Just like my male friend from last night’s chat, who wrote “I get the whole disgusting harassment and ppl who hit on you constantly. But let’s assume a cute guy like me sees you walking down the street and stares at you nipples in adoration- without saying or doing anything- is that also that bad? I’m really asking so I can understand”.
Now, bless his dear soul, he really doesn’t mean any harm by asking this, he genuinely is interested in learning. And I’m happy.
But, my sadness in this situation stems from the fact that the male gender is SO unaware of our reality, of out daily existence, that he even had to ASK this to begin with.
My answer was:
“Yes, it is that bad. Because I don’t wear a bra in order to be comfortable, not in order for men to stare at me. My physical comfort usually comes at the expense of my emotional comfort.
And of course, it’s never “just once cute guy”, bc all men think they’re special. They’re the only one.
But they’re not.
All the time.
And you think it’s nice to have ladies staring at YOU all day? They’re now staring at the person you are, they’re staring at a single organ. And that’s exactly what objectification is”.
One cannot talk about this topic without mentioning instagram’s guidelines, where you can post many a picture of male nipples, but god forbid you post a sliver of a female nipple. You will be reported, the picture will be taken down, and your account will most likely be frozen.
Same goes for pictures of period blood, or totally guidelines-abiding nude pics of people who don’t fall into the category of “sexy” (fat, disabled, scarred, skin problems) because it’s defers from their beauty standard. It’s not sexy.
Nipples are sooooo sexyyyy.
The only thing nipple are, is sexy.
Their only function is to evoke sexual pleasure for men.
And that’s exactly why-
I will keep wearing bras and jackets to cover them,
Breastfeeding mothers will get stared at in public,
And I will keep covering my breasts when walking through a crowded room, so nobody will “accidentally” touch me.
After taking this picture I realized my nips were totally showing and I took another one, with my cardigan covering them, and thought I’ll probably never post this one.
Until last night’s chat with my male friend, who couldn’t understand why “staring in adoration” at someone’s nipples is wrong.
So, just to get this clear:
Breasts are a feeding organ for babies.
A Nipple is part of person.
It’s never ok to stare at anyone, in any way, neither in adoration nor in contempt.
It’s a person. Not an object.